Toolbox: Are you an all-or-nothing thinker?

Our brains are amazing. They control our memory, movement, digestion, breathing—every single process that keeps us alive and functioning. In fact, they're not just amazing; they're mind-blowing.

But here's the twist: while the brain runs the whole show, it's not always trustworthy when it comes to thoughts.

Which means one very freeing truth: We don't have to believe everything we think.

We all create irrational assumptions and belief patterns that distort our thinking. One of the most common distortions is dichotomous thinking, or what I like to call all-or-nothing thinking. It shows up when we try to categorize our experiences into rigid either/or boxes:

• This / that

• Always / never

• Good / bad

• Perfect / ruined

• Success / failure

Instead of allowing for nuance and shades of gray, everything becomes absolute. And because thinking patterns become unconscious habits, this distortion can influence every part of life. In sport, I see it most clearly in how athletes interpret mistakes and define success. Those with perfectionist tendencies are especially familiar with this trap.

Flaws in the formula

All-or-nothing thinking often feels like a formula we must obey: if this happens, then that must be true.

• If I lose/don't PR/get beat, I'm a failure.

• If I make a mistake, I'm not good enough and should quit.

• If my warmup feels bad, I'm doomed to perform poorly.

• If I can't reach this goal, I suck.

• If I hurt someone's feelings, I'm a horrible person.

• If I don't choose the perfect meal, the whole dinner is ruined.

You get the picture.

This type of thinking is full of shoulds and shame. It's inaccurate, limiting, and dangerous. It drains our confidence and motivation, blocks problem-solving, and keeps us from taking responsibility for the truth, which also means it blocks growth.

All-or-nothing mental training drill

We spend so much time learning about our sport, our gear, and our metrics, but how often do we learn about ourselves? Our mental habits shape our reality. If you're ready to explore your all-or-nothing tendencies, here's a drill to try.

1. Notice when you engage in all-or-nothing thinking.

For a week or two, pay attention to moments when you slip into black-and-white thinking. Grab a notebook and jot down:

• The situation

• Your all-or-nothing thought

• How you felt in the moment

Clues to listen for: words like always, never, good, bad, success, failure.

2. Identify your either/or outcomes.

Remember: your brain has opinions, but it doesn’t mean they're facts. After writing down the situation, thought, and feeling, list the two outcomes your brain is assuming.

Here's an example:

Situation: I made a mistake that impacts my performance.

Thought: I'm not good enough, and I should quit.

Feelings: Frustrated, angry, upset

Two assumed outcomes:

• If I make a mistake, I'm bad and should quit.

• If I don't make a mistake, I'm good and deserve to stay.

See how rigid that is? There's no room for learning or growth, just extremes.

3. Explore the gray: What else could be true?

Now, brainstorm three other possible outcomes:

• I made a mistake, and it sucks, but now I know what to focus on next time.

• I made a mistake, and I still deserve to be here.

• I made a mistake, and aliens will want to steal my brain to study how humans can be so bad at things.

Let me explain that last one. I like to throw in something ridiculous, because humor helps create psychological distance. That little bit of levity opens the door for perspective, and perspective opens the door for change.

Once you've written five possible outcomes (your two assumptions plus three alternatives), ask yourself:

Which outcome is actually the most likely?

This step helps us challenge the automatic habits our brains have built. Just like changing bike fit or refining pedal stroke, learning to shift our thinking takes practice, but the more we do it, the more quickly we'll catch ourselves before a cognitive distortion derails our confidence.

Because truly: we don't have to believe everything we think.

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